How to Prepare Your Toddler for a New Baby

“Has she asked to send the baby back yet?”

When I was pregnant with my second daughter, I heard this question countless times. Everyone seemed to have a story about a toddler wanting to return their new sibling. But here’s the thing—that couldn’t be further from our experience. Not only has our oldest never asked to “send the baby back,” she’s absolutely obsessed with her little sister. Sure, we had our share of big toddler feelings during the transition, but watching their bond grow has been one of the most magical parts of being a mom of two.

A second baby is an interesting adventure. While you’ve got some idea of what to expect with the newborn phase this time around, preparing to be a mom of two brings its own beautiful chaos to the mix. You’re not just getting ready for a new baby—you’re helping your toddler prepare for one of the biggest changes in their little life.

In this guide, I’m sharing everything that worked for our family as we prepared our three-year-old for her baby sister’s arrival. From practical tips to honest insights about the transition, consider this your roadmap for how to prepare your toddler for a new baby.

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How to Talk to Your Toddler About the New Baby

Telling your toddler they’re going to be a big sibling is exciting, but let’s be real—they might not totally get it at first. When we first told our daughter she was going to be a big sister, it was pretty abstract for her. I mean, how do you explain to a toddler that there’s a baby in mommy’s belly that will eventually come home with us?

What worked for us was making connections to things she already knew and loved. We’d point out sibling relationships in her favorite shows and movies: “Anna is Elsa’s little sister?” or “Look, Bingo is Bluey’s sister!” These little moments helped her start understanding what it meant to be a big sister, even if she didn’t fully grasp it right away.

The Power of Positive Language

One of the most important things we did was being really mindful of how we talked about the baby, both during pregnancy and after. We made a conscious decision to never “blame” things on the baby:

Instead of “Mommy’s too tired because she has a baby in her belly,” I’d say “Mommy needs to rest for a bit.”
Rather than “I can’t play right now. I’m feeding the baby,” it was “I will play with you in a little bit.”

We also did something that might seem small but made a big difference: we’d talk to the baby about our older daughter. Even when the baby was perfectly content, I’d say things like, “Baby, I’ll be right with you, I’m doing your sister’s hair right now.” This helped our toddler see that she was equally important and that her needs weren’t being pushed aside for the baby.

Let Them Lead the Way

Here’s something important to remember: don’t force the excitement. Some days your toddler might want to talk about the baby non-stop, and other days they might not be interested at all. That’s completely normal. We never pushed our daughter to:

Hold the baby if she wasn’t ready
Match with the baby if she didn’t want to
Give up her things for the baby

Instead, we let her choose how and when she wanted to interact with her sister. This approach helped prevent any resentment and allowed their relationship to develop naturally.

When our second daughter finally arrived, all those little conversations and connections we’d made started clicking into place. While the transition wasn’t always smooth (think, big toddler feelings!), having that foundation of positive communication made a huge difference in how our older daughter adapted to her new role.

Making it Real: Practical Ways to Prepare Your Toddler

Joining the Journey

One of the sweetest memories I have from my pregnancy was taking our daughter to an ultrasound appointment. Seeing her little face light up as she watched her sister on the screen made everything feel more real—not just for her, but for all of us. While she might not have fully understood what she was seeing, it was one of many small moments that helped her feel involved in the journey.

Shopping Adventures with Your Big Helper

We also found that involving her in getting ready for the baby helped build excitement rather than anxiety. When we needed to buy something new for the baby, we’d make it a special “big sister shopping trip.” She especially loved picking out matching outfits, though we were always careful to let her choose whether she wanted to match or not. No pressure, just fun.

Building Understanding Through Books

Books became our best friends during this time. We built a little collection of stories about becoming a big sister, and reading them together opened up natural conversations about what was happening in our family. It gave her words for her feelings and helped her imagine what life might be like with a new baby in the house.

Here are some of our favorites:

Little Miss Big Sis
I Am a Big Sister
Froggy’s Baby Sister
Little Big Girl

Practice Makes Perfect: The Baby Doll Strategy

But my favorite preparation idea actually came from watching how she played. She loved taking care of her stuffed animals, so we decided to let her pick out her own special baby doll and stroller. This turned out to be more than just a fun shopping trip—that doll became her way of processing what was coming. When the real baby arrived, she would sit next to me during feedings, taking care of her own “baby.” It was the sweetest thing to watch her mirror my actions, and I think it helped her feel like she had an important role to play.

The First Meeting: Making it Special

We wanted to make our daughters’ first meeting as special as possible. Before heading to the hospital, we had our older daughter pick out a gift for her baby sister. We also had a small present ready that was “from the baby” to give to her when they met. That first introduction became such a sweet moment—our daughter helping to open her sister’s gift while discovering her own special present. It was a simple gesture that helped make their first meeting feel more like an exciting occasion than an overwhelming change.

Something else we started doing right from that first meeting was talking to the baby about her big sister. We’d point out all the wonderful things about being a big sister, saying things like “Look at your sister! She’s so good at helping you smile!” or “Your big sister picked out that bow for you—doesn’t she have great taste?” It’s been beautiful to see our older daughter beam with pride when we praise her to her little sister.

Life with Two: The Early Days

There’s no doubt the first few weeks with a new baby can test any family’s patience, even more so when you have a toddler adjusting to this big change. When our second daughter was born, we noticed our older daughter having more big feelings than usual. But here’s what surprised us—those feelings were never directed at her baby sister. Instead, they were her way of processing all the changes happening around her.

Understanding Big Feelings

Remember those stories everyone told me about toddlers wanting to send their siblings back? Well, that wasn’t our experience at all. Our older daughter’s struggles weren’t about jealousy or resentment toward the baby—she was just trying to navigate her new normal. We tried to be as patient as possible, understanding that her world had just changed in a pretty big way.

Finding Their Own Rhythm

One thing that really helped was never pushing interactions between the girls. If our older daughter didn’t feel like holding the baby one day, that was perfectly fine. We let her set the pace for their relationship. What happened naturally was beautiful—even on days when she was upset with everyone else, she never directed those feelings at her sister. She’d willingly go up to play with the baby, making up her own little games and ways to interact.

The Daily Dance: Managing Life with Two

The reality of having a toddler and a newborn is that some days flow perfectly, and others feel like you’re juggling while walking on a tightrope. Through our experience, we found ways to make the everyday moments work for everyone.

Feeding Time Friendship

Remember that baby doll I mentioned earlier? While I fed the baby, our older daughter would sit next to us with her doll, “feeding” it too. This simple parallel play made feeding sessions feel less like time away from her and more like special moments together. Sometimes she’d even bring books for us to read while we sat there, turning what could have been a challenging time into bonding opportunities.

We quickly learned that giving our toddler focused attention whenever possible made a huge difference. During times when the baby was content or sleeping, we’d make sure to have special moments with our oldest—even if it was just five minutes of uninterrupted play or snuggling. We also found ways to include her in baby care when she wanted to help, like letting her pick out the baby’s outfit or helping to get clean diapers.

Handling Hard Moments

Even with all the preparation and positive experiences, there were still tough days. When our toddler was having big feelings, we’d try to remember that her world had changed significantly. Instead of saying things like “you’re a big girl” or “big sisters don’t act like that,” we acknowledged her feelings: “It’s okay to feel frustrated. Things are different now, and that’s hard sometimes.” This validation usually helped more than trying to fix or dismiss her emotions.

Making Time for Each Child

One strategy that worked well for us was alternating who did bedtime with our older daughter. This gave her special one-on-one time with each parent and helped maintain some familiar routines from before the baby arrived. We also tried to create little traditions just for her, like “cake pops and coffee” on Friday mornings before school or special trips to the park with one parent while the other stayed home with the baby.

The Real Story of Sisterhood

Looking back on those early days of preparing our toddler to become a big sister, I’m grateful we focused on building a foundation of love and patience rather than expecting perfection. Now, watching our girls together—the way our oldest lights up when her sister wakes from a nap, how she’s always the first to make the baby laugh, and even their little matching outfits (when our oldest decides she’s in the mood to match)—I see how those intentional choices helped shape their relationship.

For all the parents out there preparing for baby number two, remember this: despite all those stories about sibling rivalry and toddlers wanting to “return” their new siblings, positive transitions are possible. Your toddler might surprise you with just how much love they have to give.

Every family’s journey is different, but I hope sharing our experience helps you find your own path to helping your toddler welcome their new sibling. Focus on building connections, be patient with big feelings, and trust that your heart (and your toddler’s) really does have room to grow.

The most beautiful part? Watching your toddler grow into their role as a big sibling happens naturally when you give them the space and support to do it their own way. Our oldest still has her baby doll, but these days, she’s too busy teaching her real baby sister how to clap, sharing her favorite books, and being the incredible big sister she was always meant to be.

Little Miss Big Sis
I Am a Big Sister
Froggy’s Baby Sister
Little Big Girl
Baby Doll
Baby Doll Stroller

How to Prepare Your Toddler for a New Baby

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